The Perfectly Stuffed Christmas Stocking

Maximum Holly Jolly Per Square Inch

Ah, the Christmas stocking—Papa Noel’s overstuffed, baja-style, velveteen burrito bursting with holiday goodies. When you were a kid, your mom and dad spent hours pouring over a spatial calculus problem attempting to max-out this parcel of foot-shaped real estate. Channel that intensity by putting back the mini toothpaste tubes and travel deodorants that you’re currently tossing into a sad, little bin in the drug store. And take off those novelty aviator sunglasses while you’re at it too. This is Christmas and we mean business in the stocking department. Here are the 7 items that create the perfectly stuffed stocking:

1. Jack Black “Industrial Strength” Hand Healer

The holidays take a serious toll on the old mitts. This stops the chap and gets your loved one back on the foosball table versus Uncle Duane ASAP.

2. A Sriracha Keychain

When spice is a priority in life, this is the wardrobe staple. The Sriracha aficionado will be able to spice up any meal without having to reach farther than the car keys.

3. Palo Santo from El Cosmico

The spirit wood with built-in good vibes. Cleanses the air and brings a little West Texas mojo into the living room.

4. Sriracha Hot Socks

If you don’t pop a pair of cool socks into the stocking you’re basically missing the entire point of Christmas. They’re cozy around a fire and that trademark red jives with Santa’s choice color palette. 

5. Sriracha College Tee

The only place of higher learning doling out Bachelor Degrees in Spice Studies. Join the Ivy League of heat.

6. OXO Cocktail Jigger

The most useful thing behind the bar that no one seems to own. Spiked eggnog anyone?

7. Sriracha Mug

The family dog just botched yet another attempt at catching a squirrel in the backyard. Spectator sports are always better with a coffee. With the trademark rooster logo, this is the hottest mug in the neighborhood.