Ah, the Christmas stocking—Papa Noel’s overstuffed, baja-style, velveteen burrito bursting with holiday goodies. When you were a kid, your mom and dad spent hours pouring over a spatial calculus problem attempting to max-out this parcel of foot-shaped real estate. Channel that intensity by putting back the mini toothpaste tubes and travel deodorants that you’re currently tossing into a sad, little bin in the drug store. And take off those novelty aviator sunglasses while you’re at it too. This is Christmas and we mean business in the stocking department. Here are the 7 items that create the perfectly stuffed stocking:
The holidays take a serious toll on the old mitts. This stops the chap and gets your loved one back on the foosball table versus Uncle Duane ASAP.
When spice is a priority in life, this is the wardrobe staple. The Sriracha aficionado will be able to spice up any meal without having to reach farther than the car keys.
The spirit wood with built-in good vibes. Cleanses the air and brings a little West Texas mojo into the living room.
If you don’t pop a pair of cool socks into the stocking you’re basically missing the entire point of Christmas. They’re cozy around a fire and that trademark red jives with Santa’s choice color palette.
The only place of higher learning doling out Bachelor Degrees in Spice Studies. Join the Ivy League of heat.
The most useful thing behind the bar that no one seems to own. Spiked eggnog anyone?
The family dog just botched yet another attempt at catching a squirrel in the backyard. Spectator sports are always better with a coffee. With the trademark rooster logo, this is the hottest mug in the neighborhood.
It was 11pm in Nevada, September 21st, 2019. Luckily, my truck broke down right outside a tiny diner with the faint glow of a red neon sign that flickered "The Beach Hut”. It was a Hawaiian-themed burger joint in the middle of the desert.
I ordered a cheeseburger and nibbled on the fries, dipping them in Sriracha. At least I remembered my Sriracha2Go Keychain......